Reflections of Dr. Millian...

The term "enlightened selfishness" was coined to describe a healthy state of mind in which the focus is on taking good care of yourself. This, of course, does not mean selfishness in the sense of being greedy, or exploiting others for your own satisfaction. It means only that you must act in your best interest in a knowing, enlightened manner.

Taking this path will lead to the feeling that "all is right with the world". After all, if you keep giving to others without getting anything back, your well runs dry, leading to what we all recognize as "burnout". You might have discovered already that when you take care of your needs and wants and desires, you are far better able to take care of others. It might help if you conceptualize yourself as an extremely hungry waitress, impatiently and uncomfortably trying to attend to equally hungry customers.

This waitress is unable to give her all to her work --because she is empty. Like you, her first responsibility is to herself, for the sake of herself. By taking care of her own needs (that is, feeding herself), this waitress is practicing enlightened selfishness. Try it on for size --you'll like it, I promise you!

Education

• Ph.D. Rutgers University, New Brunswick, N.J., 1982
• The New School University, New York City, 1979
• B.A. Douglass College, New Brunswick, N.J., 1976
• Post Doctoral, New York Institute for Psychotherapy, New York City